ARKANSAS COUPLE DIES AFTER EATING OYSTERS

 

PORT ORANGE, FL – An elderly couple visiting Florida died today after eating oysters.  Wilston Hickey, age 86, and his wife, Peggy-Sue, age unknown, of Chlamydia, AK, had just finished eating a lunch of fresh oysters at a popular Port Orange restaurant when crossing U.S. Highway 1 on the way back to their travel trailer.  Struck by a southbound 18-wheeler heading to Palm Beach to deliver a load of My Pillows, the crushed remains of the Hickeys tied up traffic on Highway 1 for a couple of hours.  Florida State Police are investigating the accident but did not indicate whether any charges are pending against the truck driver.  A spokesperson for The Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife said that although they are sending condolences to the Hickey family, Florida oysters are generally safe to eat, and are especially good with lime juice or salsa sauce. Governor DeSantis, taking a five-minute break from his 2022 gubernatorial and 2024 presidential campaigns, said that his staff will attempt to confirm whether the truck driver was either a Democrat or gay.

Note:  This entry was added by the Executor of Mr. Hickey's estate which will sue the My Pillow company and the Port Orange Restaurant.  It is copied, with permission, from the Port Orange Neighbor.